10 *realistic* Ways to Stop Seeking External Validation

Do you constantly wait for a text from your partner or feel like you need a compliment from your boss/parent to feel good about yourself? If so, you might be relying too much on external validation. While it’s normal to want approval from others, depending on it can damage your self-worth and happiness. In simple terms, external validation is when we look to others for praise or acceptance to feel worthy. This need for validation can come from family, friends, or romantic relationships, but if you can’t feel at peace without it, it’s time to make a change.

In this blog, you’ll learn how to stop seeking validation from others and start trusting yourself. By the end, you’ll know how to validate yourself and live confidently without waiting for someone else’s approval. Let’s dive into the steps to help you stop relying on external validation and take control of your own self-worth!

What Is External Validation?

External validation is when you seek approval, praise, or acknowledgment from others to feel good about yourself. It’s the desire to be accepted and valued by those around you, whether it’s your friends, family, coworkers, or even strangers. Instead of trusting your own feelings or judgments, you rely on the opinions of others to determine your worth.

For example, you might feel happy when someone compliments your appearance or feel insecure when you don’t get enough likes on a social media post. While it’s natural to want recognition from others, constantly seeking it can become unhealthy. Over time, this habit can lead to low self-esteem, emotional dependency, and a lack of confidence.

10 Tips to Stop Seeking External Validation

1. Be OK with Being Alone

To stop seeking validation from others, you must first learn to enjoy your own company. Spend time alone to discover who you are and what you truly like. This doesn’t mean being lonely—it’s about becoming comfortable with yourself. Whether it’s taking a walk by yourself, enjoying a meal solo, or reflecting on your day, these moments build the foundation for your self-worth. The more time you spend with yourself, the more you will realize you don’t need someone else’s approval to feel complete. Learn How To *realistically* Romanticize Your Life.

2. Accept Yourself as You Are

Trying to be someone you’re not, just to gain approval, can lead to inner conflict. For example, I’m an emotional person, but many “high-value” guides say to hide your emotions and act like you don’t care. I tried that, but it wasn’t true to who I am. Instead, I found healthy ways to express my emotions while staying authentic. Don’t fake your personality to fit in. Self-validation comes from accepting who you are—flaws and all.

3. Have Your Own Identity

It’s easy to get swept up in what everyone else is doing, but having your own identity is key to avoiding external validation. You don’t have to follow trends to be liked. For instance, when everyone in my class was active on Instagram, I chose not to download the app, and I was perfectly fine with my decision. By staying true to your own interests, you empower yourself and stop looking to others for validation. Learn How To *ACTUALLY* Deal With Abandonment Issues.

4. Find Your Circle

Surround yourself with people who understand and accept you. I used to feel insecure about my brown complexion and wanted to lighten it. But after following influencers and YouTubers with even darker skin, I realized that there are people like me, and I didn’t need to change. There’s a community out there for everyone—you just need to find your tribe. When you’re with people who appreciate you for who you are, the need for external validation fades.

5. Stop People-Pleasing

People-pleasing often goes hand in hand with seeking validation. If you’re constantly trying to make others happy, you’re likely doing it to gain their approval. To break this habit, learn to say “no” when necessary and stand up for your own needs. It’s not your job to please everyone, and setting boundaries shows that you value yourself. Saying “no” is a powerful way to prioritize your self-worth over others’ validation. Learn How I Stopped Being A People Pleaser.

6. Limit Your Attention

Your attention is valuable—treat it like a currency. If you constantly give it away to others, whether through social media, conversations, or distractions, you’re draining your energy. Instead, focus your attention on activities and people that matter to you. Redirect it toward creating something meaningful, like pursuing a passion project or developing new skills. When you focus on what truly fulfills you, the need for external validation diminishes. Remember, where your attention goes, your energy flows.

7. Go into Offline Mode

It’s easy to fall into the trap of sharing every new experience online. I used to stress about keeping my WhatsApp status updated, feeling like I needed to post something just to stay relevant. But that pressure took a toll on my peace of mind. To combat this, I started going into “offline mode” and taking breaks from constantly sharing. I would set a future date, like January 1st, for my next post, which helped me save my energy and stop feeling like I had to show off. Try this for yourself—you’ll feel more at ease and free from the urge to seek validation.

8. Social Media Detox

One of the most effective ways to reduce your need for external validation is by detoxing from social media. Platforms like Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok encourage constant comparison, making you crave likes, comments, and approval. By limiting your screen time or taking breaks, you’ll notice a positive shift in your mindset. Even a one-day detox can work wonders, helping you reconnect with your own thoughts and reduce comparison with others. Without the pressure of social media, you’ll start relying more on internal validation.

9. Be Responsible for Your Insecurities

Your insecurities are your responsibility. Instead of seeking reassurance from others, address them on your own. I struggled with relationship insecurities, constantly asking my partner, “Do you love me?” and “How much do you love me?” While it provided temporary comfort, it wasn’t healthy for the long term. Over time, I learned to heal my insecurities on my own. Now, I feel more secure and loved than ever, without needing constant validation. Taking ownership of your insecurities leads to emotional freedom. Learn How I Removed Negative Thoughts From Mind PERMANENTLY.

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10. Write Before Asking for Validation

When you feel the urge to ask someone else for validation, try writing it down first. Journaling your thoughts can help you process them without needing external approval. For instance, when you’re tempted to seek feedback from a friend or loved one, pause and write down what you’re feeling. This simple habit encourages you to reflect and find the answers within yourself. Over time, it helps you develop the habit of validating your own emotions, reducing your dependence on others for reassurance.

Key Takeaways

1. Enjoy Your Own Company: Learn to appreciate being alone to build your self-worth.
2. Accept Yourself: Embrace your emotions and stay true to who you are without faking it.
3. Have Your Own Identity: Cultivate your interests and don’t feel pressured to follow trends.
4. Find Your Circle: Surround yourself with people who accept and celebrate you.
5. Stop People-Pleasing: Learn to say “no” and prioritize your needs over others’ expectations.
6. Limit Your Attention: Focus your energy on valuable experiences and projects that matter to you.
7. Go Offline: Take breaks from sharing everything online to reduce pressure and anxiety.
8. Social Media Detox: Limit social media time to decrease comparison and increase self-acceptance.
9. Own Your Insecurities: Work through your insecurities independently instead of seeking constant reassurance.
10. Write First: Journal your feelings before asking for validation to find answers within yourself.

For more insights on love, manifestation, self-development, and emotional intelligence, follow my blog! Together, we can journey toward a more fulfilling life where you learn to validate yourself and thrive.

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